


Emancipation According to Daniel

by Mitch



Series: Emancipation [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 13:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7686763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitch/pseuds/Mitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guilty! That's how Daniel feels and he has a perfectly clear idea of why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emancipation According to Daniel

"Emancipation according to Dr. Jackson"

By Mitch

I knew they were the wrong words the minute they left my mouth. Seconds earlier I was stumbling over Jack's name and then there I was arguing with Doctor Carter about why we should stay on this planet. It wasn't because of the young man I'd just met. It wasn't. But I had not stated my case clearly, had fumbled for words in a rush and couldn't take them back because Jack had sided with me. 

Or given in to me. Or I was being logical and persuasive with my argument? Oh. I'm not that delusional. He gave into my desire and now the consequence is settling in. I feel guilty.

Our first night on Simarka, we're sleeping in a low tent at a Shavdai village and I'm dreaming about him. I know it's a dream. I dreamed about him for a year on Abydos. I'm very uncomfortable with the thoughts of those dreams. But after a year I've gotten very good at knowing it's a dream when I'm still in it.

I close my eyes because, frankly, I'm uncomfortable. But closing one's eyes in a dream really doesn't stop much. I can see through my eyelids. I can also see the two of us from a third perspective. And here I am, seeing him from the perspective of myself in the dream state. 

Neither of our dream-state forms are clothed. It is, after all, a dream scape and we both slightly…glow. It's a glow of lust, and I made that conclusion almost ten months ago. Our dream-state movements are languid. They've been so for a year.

In the waking world I have never managed to achieve a languorous state around Jack. _Smachtend. Rustig. Friedlich. Huzur veren_. In whatever language one wishes to express it, I have not achieved it. If ever I should achieve such, I would then suspect I was in love with him. If ever that day does come…

Dream-state. I'm on my back, unclothed, as I said earlier, and he is on his hands and knees, peering down at my supine form. His position is, in Russian, insufficiently described as _preklonyat koleni_ , or without movement, to _polzat_. As if crawling, without locomotion? That third point of view I mentioned earlier? It would clearly be one of him in a dominant position, and myself in a receptive but subservient position. I am uncomfortable with that subservience even while my point of view is being pulled back to a first person one.

Jack is a dominant man. Does it therefore follow that all men in relation to him must be subservient? I think not.

Jack's left hand moves to my shoulder and he trails his fingertips down my chest to touch a nipple. I know I'm relaxed. I appear washed out, again that glowing state of being asserts itself over the dream-state. Sound is white noise. World is hushed. Wind is non-existent. Time stills in this scape. Boundaries, edges are indistinct as if the world is pliable.

Jack's head descends and his lips touch mine. The singular exception to this pliability of boundary is us. We are as solid as the real world which we inhabit in our waking moments.

Jack kisses me. I have concluded that such a kiss, if it were to occur out of the dream state would be delightful. I pride myself in refusing to fantasize about such in the waking world.

We are both, as I am fully aware, aroused to a state of desiring penetration. How awkward. I'd retreat to Dutch but the word sounds the same. Sex. Well, I could use _gemeenschap_ but it's not a particularly attractive word and frankly, in this dream-state, what Jack and I are doing is extremely attractive. As I said, awkward. We are two males and both exhibiting the drive to penetrate. Some type of negotiation would seem to be in order.

The dream fades.

I awake in the morning, feeling foolish and slightly guilty as if I have used an image of him for self-gratification. It was more than an image. It was a dream-state, fully motile version of the man. Guilty. The physical evidence of my self-gratification sends me off to the bathing pool alone. I blush as I clean myself and the drying evidence in my underwear. I'm too old for this foolishness.

Yesterday, we had a delightful day following the young man around but now we must turn our attention to other matters, such as recovering the doctor. And the consequences keep piling up.

But am I being logical in my assertion that I caused Jack to stay on this planet? Did his judgement suffer sway due to my influence? I cannot have such sway over him.

On our trail to the camp of the rival chieftain we pause for a meal. I gain intriguing insight into the culture through prolonged conversation with the young man's father. 

We rest a bit, supine on the forest floor and I drift into a light dream state.

Jack is kneeling over me. We're both naked. He's smiling and I want to feel his lips on mine. I arch up slightly, parting my lips, inviting the desired kiss. He's smiling and my anticipation grows.

It's a beautiful scene from the out-of-body viewpoint often acquired in dream-states. The forest surrounding us is white. Not with snow but with absence of chlorophyll. The ferns are thick and white. The bark of all trees is whiter than that of Burch trees on Earth. There are conifers and wide leaf shade trees, all white. And Jack and my form glow with that incandescence that I have firmly identified as lust. It's a beautiful scene and I linger in this viewpoint.

If I linger, the action of the two figures is paused, which is perfectly acceptable to me. I appreciate the heightening arousal such denial of release brings. I wonder if real-world sex can be like this? With delaying gratification, does one still experience pleasure? Does it increase the pleasure? For me, the pleasure is increased.

I want that kiss. The ever-present washed-out view fades to dim gray and I am concentrating on the erogenous zone that is my mouth. Is that a correct use of erogenous? I must research that when we return to Earth. My lips are being touched by Jack's. I'm kissing him and he's meeting and returning my ardor. 

My lips and his are touching lightly, our eyes are closed and my hands are on his biceps. I can detect the play of muscle beneath his warm skin. My upper back is off the forest floor and Jack is supporting himself on hands and knees. Unclothed. He's lean.

He's…lithe. He's athletic and supple. His back is strong and straight. His arms are delineated with what I'd long thought of as swimmer's muscles. My college friend, Robert, has such a form as I had often observed when spectating at his swimming events. Jack's form is so much more intriguing than Robert's. I find pleasure in concentrating on Jack's body. Immense pleasure.

My back, as I said, is off the forest floor because I am arching up to kiss him. I’m touching his arms, his shoulders, curling fingers gently around the back of his neck. I bend one knee, sliding my foot up along the soft white ferns that are our bedding and move my leg outside his. Only then do I realize, as is often the case in dream-state, that my legs were together inside his stance. Now I have one in, one out. I think that's a bit comical.

I touch my inner thigh to his hip and then move my other leg to an outer position. Jack shuffles his knees, widening his kneeling position and the consequence sets off a new wave of delight. He's lowered himself.

I gasp as the tips of our erect members touch.

I jerk from the dream-state into startled awareness, supine on a forest floor. A green forest surrounds my traveling companions. The gasp had been audible. Jack is sitting across from our impromptu campsite staring at me. I don't make eye contact.

After we recover the doctor, Jack wishes strongly to leave. The problem is that the young man has returned and has asked for our assistance in rescuing the girl he wishes to marry. Jack has denied him such and commands us to return to Earth.

I argue the point and even mid-argument I am fully aware that my words seem to be causing Jack some personal upset. Yet, I persist. I persisted when the doctor wished to return to Earth and the consequences of that argument have been problematic. What will be the consequence of my further interference with Jack's decision-making process?

After we rescue the young man's love interest, it is with a sense of great relief that I bid fond farewells to them, his father and extended family. 

Head down and spirit subdued, I follow Jack back to the Stargate. I interfered with his command, his decision-making process and had lust-filled dreams about him.

On our first mission through the gate, our stumbling, ignorant mission to the unknown destination that was Abydos, I interfered with his decision-making process, ignored his commands and in bold fact, lied to him about my ability to return the exploration party to Earth. The outcome of that had been the rescue of all Abydonians from slavery, and the death of Ra.

I would repeat that behavior again and in fact, am still doing the same.

On Abydos, to be just as brutally honest, I had those dreams. The washed-out look of my dream-state world seems to have its origin from the overly-bright sunlight of Abydos. The absence of chlorophyll, the glowing element of a too-close sun…from that time.

It's often surmised that people in traumatic situations will build close bonds. It's also surmised that love relationships formed under such duress are intense and short-lived and I'm aware this fits my feelings for Jack.

I sum up my mission with a to-do list. Or a watch-for-it list.

One – I must watch for any sign that Jack may begin to make compromised command decisions due to my unjustified influence.

Two – I must watch for my achieving a state of languidness when in his real-world presence, as I have become aware that this will be the sign that I am in fact, in love with him.

Three- I must ensure that I do not fall in love with Jack until sufficient time has passed between our traumatic experience battling Ra, and any declaration of love.

I sum up my watch-for-it list with counter-arguments.

One - Jack is too strong a man to be swayed into making faulty command decisions just because I want something. I am being a fool.

Two - I want to be relaxed around Jack. The dream-state subservient posture is irrelevant to our real-world relationship. I am being a fool.

Three – I feel the same about Jack today as I did over a year ago and know I will feel the same about him ten years from now. I’m being a fool.

**I sum up my summaries with a statement of fact.**

This is a one-sided dream-state relationship and I, being a fool, need to accept that and instead of being a fool, be content. 

And…I wonder what was going through Jack's mind on that mission?

End


End file.
